Planning a wedding is not an easy thing. Marriage is like a long journey. On a journey, the first thing we have to know is, "Where is it going?" Likewise with Christian marriages, both parties must both know what the purpose of Christian marriage is. Is it to have offspring who will take care of us in our old age? Is it so that we won't be lonely? Is it because of prestige? Or is it a necessity or coercion from the family and society?
To have the right purpose in marriage, we first need to know the basic principles in the basic principles of Christian marriage. This principle will be the basis for thinking, feeling, and acting throughout our marriage journey. In addition, knowing the basic principles will also be useful for those of us who are looking for a partner as well as for young couples who are planning a wedding.
1. Initiative from God
When talking about marriage, it is most appropriate for us to return to reading the story of the first couple in the world, namely Adam and Eve. In the beginning, Allah only made the first man, Adam. However, after Adam was in the Garden of Eden for a long time, an initiative arose from God to provide a helper for him (Genesis 2:18). If we are to be honest, how many have involved God in the search for a life partner? How many of us pray first before deciding to get married? Now, how can God take the initiative if we don't even remember Him at all?
Our prayers are a sign of surrender that we too want to involve God. Talk to God, what criteria do we consider to be in our partners and start to find out what God's purpose is for a marriage, what kind of spouse criteria God wants, or how God views divorce, polygamy, and interfaith marriage according to Christianity. .
2. Wholeness
We must hear sentences like, "The purpose of marriage is to complement each other," or "You are my soul mate." The question is, "Is it true that the opinion of this culture and society is in accordance with the Word of God?
Genesis 2: 18-20: 18 The Lord God said, “It is not good for a man to be alone. I will make a helper for him, who is equal to him. 19 Then the LORD God formed from the ground all the wild animals and all the birds of the air. He brought them all to man to see how he called them; and just as the name that man gave to every living creature, so will the name of that creature. 20 The man gave names to all the livestock, to the birds of the air and to all the wild animals of the forest, but he himself did not find a helper equal to him.
If we look back in the book of events (Genesis 2: 18-20), at that time in the Garden of Eden, there was only God, Adam, and various kinds of trees and plants. At that time there was no longing in Adam's heart for a partner in life. At that time, God took the initiative to make a helper for Adam. He made all kinds of animals that are on the earth and He gave Adam a great work, namely to give names to all the animals that He had just created. Adam did this job well. It was also that work that sparked a longing in Adam's heart for a suitable partner for him.
Before we decide to enter into marriage, we must first check our lives, am I complete in God? Do I understand the purpose of my creation in God? Marriage does not consist of two complementary people, but two whole people who will be used to achieve God's purposes. So, don't get married just because of prestige, age, pressure from your parents, especially because of loneliness. Get married when we believe that we are a complete person in God, understand God's purpose in our lives, and understand what God wants through our family, studies, or work that we currently live.
3. Love
Love is the greatest law of God (Matthew 22: 34-40). The world knows love, so Christians know love as the basis of a marriage. Let's remember the first time we fell in love with a partner, there was always a desire to meet, right? Even though the distance between houses is very far, we are willing to pick up our partner, not thinking about the fatigue and hassle we feel. That's a simple example of love. Love can be felt by others and is active, not static.
God's own Word states that love must be more abundant, not less (Philippians 1: 9). In this day and age, we can see manifestations of a lack of love in the family, such as divorce in Christianity, domestic violence, rebellion of children, murder, and so on which are often carried out by the basic principles of Christian marriage. It is very sad to see this news even though the Word of God has clearly given us a warning so that the love we have does not turn cold. Here are some tips for rekindling cold love in marriage:
Repentance
Never underestimate love that has grown cold, repent immediately and make a commitment to change the situation (Revelation 2: 4-5).
Do things that have never been done again
If during courtship we often praise our partner, then start doing it again. If when our child was young, we hugged him often, then start doing it again. It might feel really strange that it hasn't been done in years, but try taking one first step and getting used to it. Start thinking about what positive things we can do to make our families more harmonious.
Return to care for each other
Everything that is paid attention to will be good results, as well as family. Start paying attention to your family, don't just get too busy with work and all kinds of other activities (Hebrews 10:24, Philippians 2: 4).
Back to build quality togetherness
Start setting priorities in our lives and schedule quality time (quality time) with family regularly. Remember, what matters is not quantity, but quality. It would be better if we have 1 quality time in the span of 1 week, compared to every day together but not quality (not paying attention to each other, not focusing on time together). The key is direct two-way communication and a willingness to give time.
4. Functions and Duties in the Family
Each family member has their respective functions and duties. Although different, they complement each other. If there is even one part that does not function, then the family can be said to be an unhealthy family. The following is the Christian family as the functions and duties of each family member according to the Word of God. In doing so, we must ask ourselves to be filled with God's agape love.
Functions and Duties of Husband
The husband's job is to love his wife as Christ loves His church (Ephesians 5: 25-30) and to be a good shepherd for the family just like Christ (John 10:11).
Functions and Duties of the Wife
The wife's duty is to be a helper to the family (Genesis 2:18). Helper is not the same as helper. The helper is in charge of strengthening, building, and encouraging each family member. In the creation account, Eve was made from Adam's rib. Ribs function to protect important organs in the body. Likewise the role of a wife, it takes a lot of humility for a wife to continue to support the family in the midst of problems. The easiest example is not talking about the bad husband or children to other people, instead, continuing to encourage them through prayers and good deeds.
Functions and Tasks of Children
The duty of a child is to respect father and mother in all conditions, not only when conditions are supportive (Exodus 20:12). Children must realize that honoring their father and mother will bring blessings to their lives.
5. Hope
Sometimes we too often have hopes for our jobs, careers, or businesses, but rarely anyone has hope for a family. What do I expect for children when they are teenagers? What do I expect for my relationship with husband / wife this year? Start writing down the hopes for our family, because that is the initial proof of the basic principles of Christian marriage that there is still a burning love for the family.
6. Thanksgiving
A harmonious marriage needs to be strived for, one of which is through gratitude. God really likes thanksgiving, why? Because thanksgiving can first change the state of our hearts. Don't even think about changing other people if the condition of our heart still can't change. Start learning to give thanks regardless of the current condition of our family.
7. Prayer
Have you ever remembered your family in prayer? Prayer is one proof of our love for the family. Starting with what hope we have for the family, followed by a positive prayer with thanksgiving for our family (Romans 1: 9). Marriage and family are one of God's plans in human life that need to be fought for. Not just one day, one month, or one year, but one second at a time in life.
This is a review of the principles in the foundation of Christian marriage that you can model and apply in your life with your family so that you can become harmonious.